Where is it?

So the torch has been lit and thrust upon us. To shine a light on all that infuriate the usually calm and peaceful mid twenty going on eighty year olds we are.

My gripe of today isn't about the insanely stupid kids that run amuck on the streets, or about the fiendishly deviant crack heads that poor out of every darkened alley way one happens to come across. mine is about myself! shock horror indeed. I thought if I'm going to open this door i may as well realize my own failings first, and then castrate everyone else after.

How on earth is it that after years of working in a blood thirsty world of cut throat dealings and young chimps that would sodomize themselves to sniff my arse crack, is it that i still find myself shitting a brick when something slightly goes a wry?

Recently i found myself in the care of certain material that had an estimated value of someones small home. Now i pride myself on my togetherness and reliability, as any self respecting man should. So how is it that i come to misplace this material? of all the things to misplace why this? is my subconscious fucking with me? did i do something to upset it?

I then spend the best half of yesterday basically going over in my head of all the possible places it could be or all that I've done in this allotted time frame. now i hate to float my own boat but I'm a busy fella this is no easy task, especially with my obvious failing memory. I was then told by a very kind and helpful friend that "the best way to find something you've lost is to sit down and picture a piano, look at it and in your head walk around it. you notice somethings not right with the piano and you keep walking around it" then your supposed to remember where you left whatever your looking for! WHAT THE FUCK? this in no way helps at all, this only makes me think that not only am i stupid enough to loose something but that the only help left to man is new age mental therapy! whatever happen to key fobs that you could whistle at and they would whistle back?

I say bring them back, make it so they attach to everything!!! make it so that if I'm retarded enough to leave something, i only have to blow air through my lips and it is found!!!

We live in a apple mac world where Steve Jobs has informed us everything is possible. Make it so your iPhone can locate every item you own, hell make it so it can tell you where your testicles are if you've forgotten!

I found said item and suffice to say i had a very stiff drink to recover.